Screw Prince Charming, Every Princess Wants a Faun
by SkyprevMES
Summary: Each chapter is a random scene/story concerning our beloved princess and that knotty yet witty faun. Some of it can be viewed as FM if you like
1. So, who is he?

**This is a conversation that I thought Moanna should have with the Faun at one point or another. It addresses who the boy in the statue is, since he can't be her half brother, and some ideas of what the Faun's real name is. Just in case you miss it in the text, Moanna is sixteen, and I believe I've edited out the explanation of why, just know that he calls her Ofelia, and she calls him Pan. Yes you can interpret this as a FaunXMoanna piece if you like; otherwise it can be just a conversation between the princess and her guardian. Oh by the way, I don't own Pan's Labyrinth. Please enjoy.**

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"Who is the baby there, Pan?"

"Look at how these blossoms have sprung up over night."

"I know you heard me, you always hear me."

"Did the ball please you?"

"It was alright, I guess. But I didn't like that prince, what's his face, always following me around."

"Well boys will be boys. Heh-heh"

"I didn't see you there."

"Does that make you cross, Princess?"

"Yes! I thought I could count on you to scare off all the would-be suitors!"

"Hm…"

"Promise me."

"Almost anything."

"Promise me you'll protect me next time."

"Hm…"

"Pan?"

"What if next time you don't want me to?"

"Why wouldn't I want you to?"

"You are still so young Princess. You have yet to know what it is like to be a woman."

"And you know that field so well?"

"No, it's just…"

"Well, for your information I am a woman in every right."



"Not every right. I do know of the one of which **you** speak. In fact I always notice the shift in your sent every moon cycle. Don't blush; it's as natural as anything can be. But you have yet to lay with a man, not until then will you understand what being an adult truly means."

"Wh-what makes you so certain?"

"I know you better than any. Not only would I have smelt it, but there is no possible way you could have hidden it from me. Your very presence would have changed. No my dear Moanna you are the maiden in every sense of the word."

"What do you mean by that?"

"You are still a vir…"

"NO, no, I meant, what did you mean by saying I was 'the maiden'?"

"Both your body and mind are young. You are still free, innocent…"

"You mean ignorant?"

"Yes, if would like to call it that, you are very ignorant."

"…"

"Princess…Moanna look at me."

"…"

"…"

"Am I just a child to you?"

"I would never call you a child."

"Then what do you mean by I am ignorant?"

"Princess I do not mean that you could never understand, but that at this moment in life, you simply can't. You have lived in this form for only sixteen years. You cannot know life as I have known it, for I have lived much longer than you. I know things about this world, done things, you have not, and should not do yet. I have experienced what you cannot even dream of knowing."

"You said the same thing when we met."

"Hn?"

"You said that you had names only the wind and the trees could pronounce, but I have still learned one name of yours, Pan, can I not also learn to experience what you have?"

"I would rather you did not, besides, Pan is not any of my names."



"It's what that elder faun called you; the one with the goat's face."

"He was only kidding."

"Oh, about what?"

"It's…just a joke amongst our kin."

"Pan, he was a god wasn't he?"

"Yes, a god very much older than I."

"Yes, I've read about him, him and his faun followers, and what they would do to the nymphs they'd chase after."

"Where did you read such a thing?"

"From the book you gave me. Every night it has a new story. The night I was wondering about what the old faun said, it showed me a story about Pan. At first I wondered that you might be a god, but then I thought better of it, just assumed you were named after him or something."

"Why? Am I not hansom enough to be a god?"

"Ha, no, no. It's just because you are nothing like that Pan."

"Is that so? Perhaps I am."

"I know you don't run around getting drunk and molesting tree women."

"Oh."

"Yes, I'd smell it."

"Hah! You would, would you now?"

"Yes, I've come across a few drunks, and they all smelt distinctly of alcohol, even sometime after they've sobered up. Besides, you said it yourself; I am still an innocent maiden."

"What do you mean be that?"

"…My, ah, parents would never allow me such contact with someone like that."

"Maybe I've fooled them."

"It wouldn't surprise me, you fool a lot of people into thinking you're something you're not, like a monster. But it wouldn't matter because you can't fool me."

"I can't?"



"No. For instance, I know that this entire conversation was a just a deploy so that you didn't have to answer my previous question."

"Oh and what was that?"

"I also know that you happen to remember what my question was, but for the sake of time I'll repeat it: Who's the baby on the statue?"

**

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**

Well I would love to do a series of pieces like this, however, let me know if the

_**dialogue only thing**_** worked, or if I should go back and change it. I don't know, it seemed to flow well enough. Drop me a line, let me know if I should continue.**


	2. Girls just want to have Faun

"_**Icomehomeinthemorninglight" **_What in the world was that sound the Faun thought as he wandered down the corridor, hooves making a click, click sound on the floor.

"_**Mymothersayswhenyougonnaliveyourliferight" **_He stopped in front of the princess's bedchamber, surely that noise couldn't be coming from in there. He pressed his long ears up against the bedroom door, listening to a strange form of music vibrating from within. Wait, a song perhaps, but what was it saying?  
_**"Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones" **_Yes those were words. He put an hand on the door handle and turned the knob, only to be blown away by what he saw.

_**  
"And girls they want to have faun, **_

_**Oh girls just want to have faun" **_Was that Moanna standing on the bed in naught but her bed clothes, and why was she holding a hair brush to her mouth?**  
**_**"The phone rings in the middle of the night**_

_**My father yells what you gonna do with your life  
Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one  
But girls they want to have faun  
Oh girls just want to have –" **_Had he eyebrows to raise, they would be located somewhere near his horns at that point. He recognized the song from the human realm, and couldn't help but notice she was singing the words wrong.The princess then preceded to perform a multitude of silly and uncoordinated dance moves. Though however much grace she lacked, the Faun did note she could really move those teenage hips.Well, I just take them to another world altogether' he thought. _**  
"I want to be the one to walk in the sun" **_The Faun could have laughed at the irony of that line._**  
"Oh girls they want to have faun  
Oh girls just want to have" **_Really why hadn't she noticed him behind her yet. Really that girl, it would seem his hopes of teaching her to defend herself would be wasted. The music from the orb in the corner may have been blaring at volumes immune only to the teenage ears, but she should at least be able to sense a familiar presence. Dear gods she was a good dancer though.  
_**  
"That's all they really want  
A faun  
When the working day is done  
Girls - they want have fauns  
Oh girls just want to have fauns  
They want to have faun,  
They want to have faun..." **_As the music died down and switched to another, calmer song, the princess turned around and looked straight at her Guardian, a radiant smile on her face.

"That's all they really want  
A Faun  
When the working day is done  
Girls - they want a faun  
Oh girls just want to have fauns"

"Some boys take a beautiful girl  
And hide her away from the rest of the world" '

The faun hid his surprise well at the fact she had in fact known he was there the entire time, and made a small bow, "Princess"

"Enjoying the show?" she hopped off the bed and moved toward the doors.

"Perhaps" he slid a smooth hand under her face, cupping it. But just as she leaned into it, the Faun pulled away and shut the doors, "You're late for breakfast" he said through the closed doors. Smiling, he heard her make a peeping sound and scramble for her clothes. Instructing some servants that Moanna would most likely need help, he sauntered off to the great hall where her parents would need a convincing excuse for their daughter's tardiness. Hooves clicking on the floors he hummed quietly, "_Oh girls they just to have fauns…"_

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Jeez I seriously was not going to continue on this story, but you people just had to bug me with all of your encouraging reviews didn't you. Well fine you big babies. Alright I'm kidding, this had been in my head awhile, and I had some time so I figured I'd thank all you guys for your wonderful reviews. I think this may turn into my experimenting story where I can try out different styles. Tell me what you think, oh and seriously, next time you hear this song (Girls just want to have fun) try replacing fun with faun it's almost scary how well this song fits the movie, well excluding the whole upbeat and happy nature thing.

Merry Meet.

PS What do you think of the new tittle?


	3. Lies

Sometimes he despised how good he was at hiding the truth. You cannot lie in the Underworld, for whatever reason, no being, spirit, god, or otherwise, was capable of it. Perhaps it was amazing bluntness of death that caused this, or the good nature of the feys who dwelt in it, but for whatever reason, forming a lie became impossible in its depts. So of course, the Faun, like a few others, had been raised simply to tell only that which was needed and in a very mysterious way. Hiding one's true feelings on certain subjects, or pretending a specific action did not bothered you, was evidently not considered lying.

Amazingly, he did not hide this talent of his. In fact, one could say he flaunted it, saying in a silent way to everyone he met, _ha-ha, you fool, I know what you do not, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. _He cloaked himself in mystery, wrapping around himself as a cold man buries himself in a blanket.

That hidden wonder, the prize in the darkness, he had used it to lure many an unsuspecting creature, human or otherwise. Oh how women loved it, foolish females thinking they could be the ones to lure his secrets out, ha. Oh he let them play their game, acted along as though he was enchanted be them; held no secrets from them. People rarely realized their gift for reading body langue. Perhaps that was it his complete control over his gestures. A tiny flick of the wrist, never allowing a stray hand or hoof, to obscure a view of his body, acts of innocence they would think. Please.

Still their antics were amusing, the game kept his mind busy. For centuries he was able to keep boredom at bay, frolicking in the Mediterranean country sides, sometimes with his own kind, other times not. In fact he had spent many years with the great god Pan, himself, learning from the master. Oh Pan was something else, truly a man of the wild, but soft in heart. Perhaps that had been why the Faun eventually left his side.

"_Oh, my son," he had said one day in a slur soft with wine, "They call you the next me, ha!"_

"_Certainly," replied a drunken young nymph, sprawled her nakedly across Pan's lap, "he is just as good with the women, milord." _

"_Indeed," giggled another, whose own naked flesh was caught glimmering in the soft fire light, "indeed" she purred, nuzzling her face into the Faun's lap. Without even thinking to do it, he petted her tangled hair with a distant gesture, it wasn't anything personal, but he knew she would think it meant his thoughts were only on her. Silly thing, he couldn't even recall if she had a name. _

"_Bah," Pan bellowed, taking another swig of the strong elixir, "the boy is nothing like me. He takes too much pleasure in the hunt, and not enough in the rewards," playfully he buried his nose between the giggly girl's breasts, "And then he just leaves the poor things discarded for me or the boys to deal with," boys being the satyrs, fauns, and other creatures that flocked about the god, "not that that's always so bad, but you should hear the wailings."_

"_Oh poor girls," the nymph coed, reaching up to play with Pan's beard. The faun noticed how he seemed to have faded from their minds, but he did not mind being ignored if it meant the conversations concerning him would cease. Alas after a few minutes of playful groping, their attentions turned back to him._

"_Perhaps it is that women are not to his taste, perhaps he should go for the youths?"_

"_The same, my dear," the god replied, "Except that in the end the boys put up a bit more of a fight. We are left with such a mess afterwards. The boys can go so blood crazed when their pride is wounded, then they assume that simply because the muscles beneath their skin is bulging and taunt, they are a match for, my son here! Ha! Though I must say, it is an arousing sight, especially when he ends up taking them in the end."_

"_Oh such words!" acclaimed the nymph, "Do not stray your thoughts too long on boys, for I have no wish to be left cold this night!"_

"_Oh indeed," he laughed a great bellowing thunder," Worry not, for long is the night I wished to feel the soft flesh of a woman!"_

"_Long indeed, was in not earlier this evening I saw you in the embrace of an Acadian woman?"_

"_Oh, sometimes I think those women are more male than I!"_

"_Bold words for one whose has swooned after Amazons." The Faun retorted, all thoughts of the virgin in his lap gone._

"_Now, my son," he chuckled, glad to have his favorite conversing fellow joining in the playful bantering once more, "You know as well as I those women who spend their nights amongst other women are more female than those who lie amongst…"_

"…_us." The Faun finished coldly, slipping from beneath the finally passed out girl. He stood leaving the ring of fire and laughter behind._

_The cool night breeze, banished any desire that may have made him return to the fire side. Off in the distance somewhere, a subordinate of Athena hooted. Along a trickling mountain stream he sat, hooves swallowed by the crisp water. But before the calm could take him he felt a bolt of lightning pass threw his body. A deep, thundering voice, called out his name._

"_You should not use that name so lightly." The Faun whispered to the god as his skin began to prickle._

"_And you should not shame it so easily." Turning, the Faun saw not the content, lecherous old being from the fire, but faced instead a great deity of the forest, powerful in every action, from his stone like hooves to the tip of his great horns. This was a being to bow to, and the Faun did. "You of all beings should know my tongue never loosens from simple peasant brews." The Faun nodded, he knew the god meant every word he spoke. "It does displease me that you find no pleasure in our acts. It is cruel, and sadistic, your actions. Where has that wise child I knew gone?" To this, the Faun could not answer, so he simply turned to gaze at the moon. It was a long time until either of the men spoke again._

"_She won't answer you." _

"_What" the fey jerked from his moon gazing. _

"_The moon, she won't speak to you who are so cruel to her daughters." _

"_What makes you think I long for her company?"_

"_Ha, boy, don't make me laugh. We, all us creatures, we long for her touch, her simple caresses, the great lady of the night. We all desire her."_

_Normally the Faun might retort something about how many men are more content to feel the sun's presence, but that night he held his tongue._

"_How is it then," he began after a while, "that she speaks to you?"_

"_Me? Why would the great goddess not speak with me, I am not the one who denies her power, nor do I mock her daughters. I lie with both women and men in sacred union; it is not just a game to me. But it is for you." When the fey made no move to speak, Pan continued, "The times are changing, my son, I can feel it on the wind, men are changing. Can you not sense it in the humans that join us? There is a barren edge to the practices of the people, an enslavement of the goddess. Perhaps I am but a fool in my thinking of this, but it may be your change in attitude is due to this new corruption. What say you?"_

_The Faun cocked his head, brows narrowing, a face of innocence coming over him. _

"_Don't play that game with me, I am not so foolish that those tricks of yours can deceive me. I will not permit this behavior in one of my followers. Go back to the Underworld, while you still can the corruption here, is too great for you. Let your coven make of you what they will, for you have no place amongst our fire, and they surely have missed you." The ancient deity sighed, "I love you dearly, my son, but I fear you will not find what your heart seeks here. Go now, before the sun arises. Be gone from the Middleworld." _

_The Faun shed no tears, for in the centuries he had spent away from the Underworld; his heart had grown colder, less caring. Turning the Faun bounded away from his mentor, racing away from the pain the parting from his dear friend had caused. _

"_Merry Meet" the wind whispered, but diving into the parting of a great tree's roots, he refused to reply. _

The Faun spent an age in the Underworld, again amongst his own coven, but even his family's love could not fully cure him. Still he lied with words of truth. Still he distanced himself from the others, and longed once more to gaze upon the shining face of the moon. Again and again he promised himself, that he would be truthful, but to no avail, as soon as he tried to speak the words, some form of distraction would always stop him, some nagging nuisance.

She was the only one he hid from. The only one he could not come up with some answer for any question. She was the only one he would turn in front of, so that she could not always see him fully. The only one he ever stuttered in front of, the only one he could change subjects on, and still she would call him on it later. Funny, how not even the true lies, could fool Moanna, the daughter of the moon.


	4. Mancala

"What do you mean you have to leave?"The Faun refused to let his eyes wonder from the game board. Deciding to grab only two seeds this time he skipped across the wooden depressions, ignoring those pleading brown eyes.

"Hm, your turn."

"But you still haven't…"

"If you don't make a move it means you forfeit, and I win." Sighing, Moanna picked up a pile of seeds at random, unluckily for her, they all seemed to sow themselves into their spots too perfectly, her turn was very long. When her hand was guided a third time around the tiny wooden plate, she snapped her head up to stare at her guardian. A long fingered hand was set upon his lips, covering a smirk, while his horned head remained cocked to the side, steadily observing Moanna's moves. Noticing that her hand had stopped, he raised his head to meet her disbelieving stare. Feral blue eyes glanced at hers, glinting a smile.

"You cheated," the Princess accused, her face bewildered. The Faun leaned back with several creaks to rest his back against a pillar.

"Actually, Princess, there is no rule in Mancala about guiding your opponents hand." His eyes twinkled. "Besides, it's only cheating when you make your opponent loose."

"It's still cheating."

"Does it matter, either way, you win." The faun chuckled.

"I don't want to play with someone who makes me win every game." Moanna, too, leaned against her bench until her back pressed against a pillar. She folded her arms, mimicking her Guardian.

"A thousand apologies"

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**You know I wouldn't bother to keep writing this stuff if you guys weren't so freaking nice. God damn you all. Those wonderful reviews make me sick with pleasure. I hope you like this (goes away to sit in corner and cry manly tears). **

**Mancala is a very old game from Africa that traditionally is not played at night because that is the time when the spirits play.**


	5. Death of a Star

The faun had been dying for a _long_ time. Many ages had passed he first felt that inevitable twinge in his back, a slight stiffening of his joints. Centuries had come and gone since he began to find a falter in his impeccable memory, for the memory of ancient trees is stronger than that of any other being. Their bark soaks in all the world around and carves tales into rings clearer than any tome or tablet.

It was the little things that went first. Names never seemed to reach his ears, he that once could recall the title of every dryad and nymph along the Adriatic and her sisters. Not that he had ever been one to meet new people unless some benefit could be gained. Insulting courtiers was certainly no grievance to him, but when the day came that he could not call his fey companions to him (these were not of course the little green, blue, and red pixies, but their great grandchildren for those old companions had long since withered like last spring's leaves) the faun was forced to admit it was time to slow down.

He began to sleep more beneath the cypress trees that grew along the edges of the meadows, while younger fauns danced merrily in the gay vigor of youth. He watched birds flutter and the pixies fly and was content to observe the dancers spin past. He would even clap some with his wicked old grin, delighting in the respect he was shown when some young doe would fetch a goblet for him. An elder indeed he chuckled thinking that even if he could no longer whip those upstart satyrs with the strength of his great hooves or looming horns, he could still best any in wit.

But long after resigning himself that he was no longer fit for spring posturing, the faun found himself exhausted even by the festivities of autumn and even winter. It was then he decided to leave the groves and the songs and the noises which gave him head aches for the solitude of growing things from which he had first came.

He ventured deep into the forests where the trees grew like great pillars holding a misty dark canopy from which little light could seep except in beams which fell on moss covered pools among the roots. The smell of earth and decaying leaves filled the air with its musty scent, and the ferns drooped with an ever present mist. Small sounds like the chattering of mice were lost in the fog, and even the great bellows of woodlands stags could not travel far outside their glade. In such a place where a rare beam of sunlight fell upon a sourceless pool he rested. A bed of leaves cushioned his aching back, and between the legs of a great tree, which had stood since before the stars, he rested. Arms came out and settled on the great roots as if they had been wrought for that purpose alone. His hooves stretched out and sank in the soft soil; his eyes closed, and did not open much after that.

Though the silence and solitude offered by the forest was great, it was not complete, and many times was he visited by young companions. Young of course, for the old ones had all long since gone. He was sought for advice, or comfort, or simply for the peaceful presence which those who are resigned to enjoy what time they have left often carry. Of course after awhile it was only the latter that some came for. The faun's mind had slowed and his voice was raspy and easily tired. Those that ventured into the deep forest seeking the fabled old faun found his stories were few and often repeated, though they were the greatest stories of his life. Certainly they were not the happiest, nor the most exciting, but they were the most important memories he had, and it was a very, very long time until any of them faded from his mind.

There was one girl, whose name who could never recall hearing, that came again and again and asked to hear the story of the princess he had waited for all those years. Even the faun's crusted eyes would open at the sound of the name of the one he had loved so dearly. _A breath of spring in an age of winter,_ he called her with a creaking grin, for though age had made him sentimental, it had not dulled his humor. The little girl asked him how they had met, but he never spoke of that, as if there was nothing before those two had known one another. She never asked how the princess left the lands, but he told it every time. He did not speak of the joy of her rein, for there was none in all the lands who did not know it, nor did he speak of her marriage, who's joys he had not shared, except in the delight he found in the many children brought into the world by that union. Their names were some of the last to leave him, though in his mind their faces were still round with youth, even though most of them had already sired grandchildren by then. To him they remained the picture of childhood, bouncing on his knees, begging for stories and games in the gardens of eternal spring.

Eventually there came a time when he could not open his misted eyes and cracked mouth to tell even these stories, though he whispered a name sometimes that sounded more like a sigh than the last pangs of a devotion that he kept him breathing for so many eons.

A time came when the faun could no longer be distinguished from the roots of the great tree, if indeed he had not already become a part of them. His hooves split, his hands melted into the roots and his great round horns sunk into the depths of the bark, and the faun that had always been more tree than man finally returned to the great pillar that had spawned him. He did not die, but he did wither. Little piece by little piece he withered like the face of a mountain eroding back into the dirt. Seekers to the spot still felt him for ages after that, still heard his wispy chuckle in the wind, even after the roots ceased to resemble a vague sitting figure. In time, his face was forgotten, his name, and then his legend. He faded, like a star which had burned since the beginning, becoming dust in the black, he was gone. But he did not mind, for the faun had been dying for a _long_ time, and once one dies, one can live once more, the dust from old stars forms new ones after all. Of course he was given a new name.

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Well my lovelies here you are. Now if you are wondering what chapter Moanna gets married in or when kiddies happen, or when did this stop being funny/FM, fear not. This "story" is just a random collection. No "chapter" bleeds into another unless otherwise mentioned.

I've gotten a lot of flattering comments asking for more stories. However I need a little motivation and some ideas to play with, so:

**Send me a comment - I'll respond**

**Send me an idea - I'll write it**

Hope to hear from you soon my scrumptious little readers :)


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